Some Thoughts on Homosexuality
I don't know enough about homosexuality to be sure whether "homosexual marriage" would be a detriment to society. I tend to think it would be, though. It's probably more important, in this now politically charged arena, to agree to disagree on that issue.
There is something much more important, though, in the short term at least, that we can agree on without worrying about anyone winning or losing the debate, and without anyone being put in danger. Regardless of how we feel about homosexuality, we should be united in helping homosexuals to feel valued, accepted, and loved.
Many in the homosexual lifestyle have feelings of conflict and distress. It's my opinion that (a) some of those feelings are spiritual, based on the fact that they are living a less-than-optimal lifestyle, but (b) by far most of those feelings are as a result of how they are treated negatively by family, former friends, and others around them.
When I was younger, we used to play a game of free-for-all tackle football called "Smear the Queer". We all knew that "queer" was used by many people as a derogatory term to refer to someone who is homosexual. We laughed about it. Looking back on that, I can see now how that was a really dumb thing to do.
I grew up with about a half dozen male friends (that I knew about) who eventually chose the homosexual lifestyle. Ironically, considering the unfortunately named football game described above, one thing these friends had in common is that they didn't--some very often, some ever--play sports with the rest of the boys. The other thing that most (and actually perhaps all, but I'm not sure) of them had in common is that they had very poor relationships with their fathers. I've since read several stories by homosexuals or former homosexuals who noted similarly negative or distant relationships with their dads.
I know of a family that lives nearby that has ostracized one of its members because he is gay. They feel very uncomfortable being around him and do not like it when he comes to family functions, because they are afraid that his homosexual inclinations put their children in danger. Even if that were true, this is no way to treat a family member. Even worse, however, is that it doesn't seem to be true.
If many former homosexuals have been very successful at choosing not to live a homosexual lifestyle anymore, I'm unclear why it is so often claimed by homosexual advocates that because homosexuality is not a choice, it is impossible to choose to no longer be homosexual. As Dennis V. Dahle, JD, says in the book Understanding Same-Sex Attraction
Many people who identify themselves as homosexual would rather have been heterosexual, and, given the opportunity to "change," they would do so.
Perhaps much of the discomfort for homosexuals at allowing others to leave the homosexual lifestyle is the way that homosexuals are often treated. Homosexuality should not have to be a dark burden of shame or guilt, especially for the many homosexuals who cannot think of any time in their lives where they "chose" to be homosexual. Homosexuals should never be disowned or ostracized by family or friends, which often happens when their homosexuality becomes known.
What if one of your children announced to you that they were gay? Would you love them any less than you did the moment before? Would you love them any less than a daughter who announced that she had become pregnant out of wedlock?
We often look at "what if" as an enemy, especially after what if becomes reality. We try with all our might to push certain events aside and wish that they had never happened to us. But in doing so, we also push aside and denigrate others to whom these events happened, whether we mean to or not.
What if we make "what if" our friend? We can still hope that certain events will never happen, but if they do, we can be prepared for them, so that we don't push them--and the people inside of them--out of our lives. With preparation, we can look at each "what if", should it happen to become reality, as an opportunity--or a starting point--to take those that we still love by the hand and mutually try to do better.