In the Which I Try Not to Violently Retch While Analyzing John McCain's Acceptance Speech

John McCain served two terms in the United States House of Representatives before being elected to the Senate in 1986, which, since then has been the extent of his career. You'd never know he'd served at all if all you had to go on was his acceptance speech the other night. It was a tidy little way of shifting any sort of blame from the "we" he used so often to a ubiquitous and vague "them".

I thought little kids got past the "it's not my fault" stage when they finally grew up.

At least Obama doesn't have the audacity to stand

Did you catch it the other night? McCain told us, "I've been helping the Federal Government to screw you for the last 20-some-odd years, but that's about to change!!!"

out and say "I've been helping the Federal Government to screw you for the last 20-some-odd years, but that's about to change!!!" McCain's speech began somewhat thusly:

"You're worried about keeping your job or finding a new one, and are struggling to put food on the table and stay in your home," McCain said. "All you ever asked of government is to stand on your side, not in your way. And that's just what I intend to do: stand on your side and fight for your future."

Ah, so is that why he voted for the Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae bailout, putting Average Joe American on the hook for yet another 250 billion dollars--so I can put more food on my table?

John McCain is that same John McCain, deluded by the "they're just little brown people" syndrome, who thinks it okay that we keep a presence in Iraq for the next hundred years, because that's what we're doing in Japan, Germany, and South Korea. Tell me again why we're still in Japan, Germany, and South Korea?

"I've been called a maverick -- someone who marches to the beat of his own drum. Sometimes it's meant as a compliment and sometimes it's not," he said to restrained applause. "What it really means is I understand who I work for. I don't work for a party. I don't work for a special interest. I don't work for myself. I work for you."

Awesome! So when are you going to invite us over to one of those who-knows-how-many mansions you own that we helped you build?

John McCain is that same John

You lost that trust a long time ago, Kilroy. You must think that the American people are stupid.

McCain who received top billing on the McCain/Feingold Campaign Finance Reform law--yes that same campaign finance law that has seen, since its inception, incumbent re-election rates rise to a figure approaching 100 percent.

In his speech McCain also said

We lost the trust of the American people when some Republicans gave in to the temptations of corruption.

He's right. They did. But...would that corruption and loss of trust happen to be related to Jack Abramoff, who is tied to at least $100,000 in donations to the McCain campaign?

Would that corruption and loss of trust have anything to do with the creation of The Enron Loophole by advisers to a certain presidential candidate?

"Let me offer an advance warning to the old, big-spending, do-nothing, me-first, country-second crowd," McCain said. "Change is coming."

In a day where celebrity means nearly everything, why should we be surprised that "big-spending, do-nothing, me-first" McCain is trying to 'out-rockstar' Barack Obama?

We lost their trust when we valued our power over our principles. We're going to change that. We're going to recover the people's trust by standing up again for the values Americans admire.

You lost that trust a long time ago, Kilroy. You must think that the American people are stupid enough to sit there and believe that you had nothing to do with the loss of that trust.

FDR was an idiot to trust Joe Stalin. So was Truman. Wall Street was dumb enough to enter an adulterous relationship with Hitler. Not that McCain has personally overseen the killing of millions of people, but he does think we're doing a bang-up job in Iraq. We have historical precedent for what happens when we trust someone who is clearly untrustworthy. And it is the ugliest of specters.

Oops! I just lost my lunch.